Double Bill

Motherhood Mysteries We Just Can’t Solve
1. Why do we use the expression ‘sleeping like a baby’ when actually the little blighters have us up every two hours throughout the night?
2. Why does your little one always poo within three minutes of you changing her nappy?
3. Why does your sick, floppy child turn into the picture of health at the doctor’s surgery?
4. Why does the doorbell always ring seconds after you’ve finally got your baby off to sleep?
5. Why does baby food take so long to cool? Hell hath no fury like a starving weanie waiting for her grub to reach an edible temperature.

5 Most Annoying New-Mum Comments
1. ‘Is it a boy or a girl?’ Well, she’s wearing a pink snowsuit. Go figure.
2. ‘Ooh, someone’s not happy…’ No, really? You hadn’t noticed your baby has been screaming for the past four hours…
3. ‘Are you going to have another one?’ Let’s just wait till the stitches heal, you’re getting more than two hours sleep a night, and you no longer have a mewling baby attached to your breast, and then see, shall we?
4. ‘Is he good?’ No. He’s four weeks old and has an ASBO. Duh!
5. ‘When’s it due?’ OK, you knew you still had a few pounds to lose, but hey, kick a girl when she’s down, why don’t you?