Funny Questions About Life

Ever had one of those funny questions about life? Then please read on. When it comes to funny questions and thoughts about life, every time I think I’ve seen them all I find one I’ve never seen before or come up with more of my own. The following are some of the ones I’ve discovered or written, however, I know there’s more because that’s, well… life. So, if you find reading these funny questions and thoughts about life make you smile, pass them along. All right, let’s get started!

Funny Questions About Life – Group 1
Why does Hawaiian pizza also contain Canadian bacon?
Grape Nuts cereal. No grapes – no nuts. Huh?
What’s the difference between regular ketchup and fancy ketchup?
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
If you use Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread, do you have to use Heavenly Ham?

Funny Questions About Life – Group 2
Is there ever a day that mattresses aren’t on sale?
They make bulletproof vests, why not bulletproof pants?
Why are oriental rug stores always going out of business?
Is there any difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?

Funny Questions About Life – Group 3
If it only takes one match to start a forest fire, why on earth does it take me a whole box of matches and a can of lighter fluid to light my grill?
When they ship those styrofoam peanuts, what do they pack them in?
How do you know when pickles or sour cream has gone bad?

Funny Questions About Life – Group 4
How does one know when their bagpipes need tuning?
Allstate Insurance has a disclaimer that reads: ‘not available in all states’. What?
If Donkey Kong’s main character is a monkey, why isn’t it called Monkey Kong?
Why does the word lisp have an “s” in it?

Funny Questions About Life – Group 5
How come you never read the headline, “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
The next time someone says, “Now I’ve seen everything”, ask them if they’ve ever seen a UPS truck parked in a parking space.
Has anyone ever really seen a Jolly Rancher?
If you get a club soda stain, how do you remove it?

Funny Questions About Life – Group 6
Has anyone (besides Donald Trump’s wife) ever been fooled by a combover?
Is it really possible to change the direction of a bowling ball by waving your hands?
There’s senior citizens, so why aren’t there junior citizens?

Funny Questions About Life – Group 7
They say laughter is the best medicine – so who came up with the phrase, “I died laughing”?
Why do doctors leave the room when your getting dressed? After all, they’ve already seen you naked.
What’s wrong with the United States? They only have two choices for President, but fifty for Miss America.
Any reason they nail down the lid of a coffin?
When butterflies get upset or nervous, what do they get in their stomachs?

Funny Questions About Life – Group 8
Where do they put price stickers on non-stick pans?
If it’s called lipstick, why is it always coming off?
When they sing, “Take me out to the ball game” they’re already there. Why?
Whose idea was it to make the word ‘abbreviation’ so long?

Yes, these are just a few of the funny questions about life that try men’s – and women’s – souls. And there’s a ton more funny questions about life not listed here. Some of them come to me during the course of a day. For example, why does every shampoo bottle say, lather, rinse, repeat? I’m sorry, did I miss my head entirely the first time or do you just want to sell more shampoo? If you have or have thought up any funny questions of life yourself, feel free to send them along and thanks for wasting a few minutes of your life pondering these funny questions of life. Now get out there and do something good. Like figuring out what people in China call their good plates…

About the Author
Hal Lacious is an award winning copywriter, author, and proud co-owner of http://www.kiddiekort.com.

To read more mindless questions, please go to http://funny-questions.blogspot.com

Fifteen Kitchen Helps for the Creative Cook

IN THE KITCHEN: Yes, sanitary napkins in the kitchen. It’s time to re-evaluate some of our old notions of where these handy items belong. Take a deep breath and try to rid yourself of your former prejudices. After all, the key word here is “sanitary,” isn’t it?

* Attach maxi pads to your hands to use as hot pads when removing a pan from the oven.

* Blot recently washed fruits and vegetables. Give an apple a good polish.

* Moisten a pad with plenty of water and place in a glass jar to sprout bean or alfalfa seeds. This is a delicious and healthy way to impress your friends when you invite them over for a sandwich or a salad. It is, however, recommended that you remove them from the pad before serving. Not everyone is as practical and open-minded as you obviously are.

* Place a soaking wet pad on a microwave-safe plate in your microwave and heat for 40 seconds. This will steam up the inside and soften all the baked-on residue that is normally so difficult to remove. Clean as usual.

* Use in place of magnets to hold miscellaneous lists, pictures and artwork on your refrigerator.

* Keep a pad by your stove to use as a disposable spoon rest. Keep away from heat or flame.

* Use a pad as a mini cutting board. Not only is it disposable for a quick cleanup, but it will absorb any excess juices.

* Instead of draining pasta the conventional way, place unscented pads in the pot to absorb water. Then blot away the remaining moisture with another pad.

* Use a pad as a disposable butter dish—after all, you’ve heard of a “pad of butter, haven’t you? Well, now you know what that means.

* Use a pad to absorb bacon grease.

* Pour a little oil on a pad and use it to grease baking surfaces. You may keep the oiled pad in a baggy in the refrigerator for future use. Remember—waste not, want not.

* Use a pad to dry dishes. We recommend the ultra-absorbent overnight variety.

* Line the bottom of the veggie crisper in your refrigerator to contain undesirable moisture.

* If you happen to have the variety of pad “made with real baking soda,” you can place one in your refrigerator to absorb odors.

* In a pinch, use a frozen pad as a candy thermometer. To test the candy’s temperature, drop a small amount of the cooking syrup onto the pad. If the syrup is easily absorbed, you are at the, ahem, “syrup” stage. If the syrup piles into a soft, squishy heap, you are at the “soft ball” stage. If the syrup turns brittle upon contact with the pad, you are at the “hard ball” stage. If the candy burns a hole in the pad, you should probably turn down the heat—and start over from scratch.

Excerpted from 231 Other Ways to Use a Sanitary Napkin: The Ultimate Recycling Guide for Women Who Have Moved On

About the Author
Karen Isaacson is the award-winning author of Raisin’ Brains: Surviving My Smart Family and Life in the Fast Brain: Keeping Up with Gifted Minds. She also co-authored Intelligent Life in the Classroom: Smart Kids and Their Teachers with Tamara Fisher.

To order copies of this book go to: http://www.booklocker.com/books/4644.html

Or visit the author at: www.kisaacson.com

Comeback of the Mustache? I Don’t Think So

There is an ugly rumor circulating about the return of the 1970s mustache-wearing male finding his way to the 21st century. Is this a backlash to the metrosexual era? Is this a way for the “regular guy” to reclaim his masculinity? Is this a way of making food stuck to a man’s face acceptable?

As a single woman, I strongly object to this horrific trend.

I’m not going to throw around careless accusations against facial hair. That just wouldn’t be right. Rather, my approach will be fair and balanced. You know, the reporting style made famous by Fox News.

For starters, the mustache reminds me of 1970s porn. As a kid, I wasn’t always able to recognize the vital body parts through the scrambled Playboy Channel, but I could always tell if the man was wearing a mustache. Not a sexy scene, my friends.

Sticking with the 1970s theme, my father sported a mustache back then, and I don’t want to date a man that resembles him. That’s taking the Father Complex theory way too far.

Most importantly, I have very sensitive skin. In fact, so sensitive that I once went out on a date with a man that had facial hair and after three hours of lip smacking, my skin became so irritated that I developed a rash. Sure, you can make the argument that the rash was due to the marathon-long make-out session, not the mustache per se, but this isn’t a time to be logical. Let’s keep the focus of this post where it belongs, on the ill-conceived return of the mustache.

I’m not prejudiced; I’m against all mustaches.

Pencil mustache? No way. It reminds me of John Waters.

The toothbrush? Um, no. Charlie Chaplin donned that one for a reason: it’s funny-looking.

Horseshoe-style mustache? Nice try. Hulk Hogan can get away with it is because wrestlers are cartoon-like.

Magnum, P.I. mustache? Oh, now you’re playing dirty (I like that), but chances are you don’t look like Tom Selleck. Psssssst. If you share his rugged good looks, e-mail me your digits.

Guys, take it from me. I won’t steer you wrong. There is a reason the mustache trend died a slow death. Here’s a hint: men aren’t supposed to be walking buffets, able to select from an assortment of late-night snacks trapped in their hippielips.

I’m just sayin’.

About the Author
Auria Cortes is a writer, artist, and wannabe guitar player. To read and comment on her life observations go to www.auriacortes.com.

Knowing Who You Are

The movie Eat Pray Love is based upon an individual’s search to find herself. A growing number of people spend much of their time wondering who they really are and what their real life purpose is meant to be.

We in general live a life of luxury. There is little real hardship in the way that we live in the Western world today. We have more money, more creature comforts and a greater ability to pursue myriad activities both near to home and far away. When you are being deprived of basic necessities in life, your focus inevitably remains glued to the task of survival; one doesn’t have time to luxuriate in ponderings about who you are or what your life’s purpose is. Your purpose is simply focused upon staying alive.

And so the more comfort you have in your life, the more time you inevitably have with which to focus your attention upon things of a more philosophical nature. Ironically, the more we have, the more dissatisfied we appear to become, as we simply move our focus on to different things. When, I wonder, will we as a community finally appreciate what we have got and allow ourselves to enjoy a feeling of balance and satisfaction in our lives?

Julia Roberts, in this movie, sets out on a course to find herself which takes her to Rome, India and Bali over the course of a year. In Rome she learns to enjoy food for its taste and not worry about calories or weight gain. She also learns to make platonic friends and to live alone instead of constantly being in one relationship or another. She’s not totally at one with this new experience, but she’s apparently learning from it.

In India she learns to meditate and to further relax her thoughts, to a certain degree. She feels a little more centered but still knows that her journey is not complete. On she moves to Bali. Here she has to face a challenge; can she enter a close relationship without losing herself once more?

I’m sure that many people could empathize with several of the emotional tussles which were being expressed in this movie. Many people wonder who they are or what they should be doing. Many more wonder where their soul mate is and how they are ever going to find them. Some people shy away from relationships because they feel they will lose themselves if they were to commit; others throw themselves into one relationship after another and find themselves molding their habits and behaviors to whoever they are with.

All of these scenarios reflect a certain amount of emotional conflict, instability or insecurity. The quest to find oneself frequently takes people away from home, in search of peace and quiet and tranquility. The fact remains that you find this peace only when your mind becomes peaceful; this does not necessarily mean you have to go away so as to find peace.

Having said this, sometimes one finds it easier to totally change their environment so as to break old habits. The thing to remember, though, is that you generally have to go home at some point and still have to take the peace which you have found back home with you too. Otherwise you have not achieved any long term resolution to emotional turmoil or insecurities.

And when it comes to relationships, if you have really found your peace, and found yourself, you will not fear losing yourself. You will feel confident and secure in being one of two whole people who share a relationship as opposed to being one small fraction of a whole. Fears are only ever borne from your own chosen (although often unconsciously so) perception of a situation.

An alternative approach to finding yourself is to take time examining your thought processes and expectations in life and then focus upon ways in which you could think more powerfully and productively. To feel balanced and satisfied in life you have to learn to feel happy with yourself as you are, to stop comparing yourself to others and instead to feel confident being you.

About the Author
Grab a free hypnosis mp3 from Roseanna Leaton’s website, check out her hypnosis confidence mp3 downloads and build your hypnosis confidence.

The author invites you to visit http://wwwRoseannaLeaton.com

Being There

My father always told me that, not until I understood what motivated some Japanese during WWII to slice open their stomachs in order to protect their pictures of Emperor Hirohito, would I understand what it means to relate to God as king.

I tasted the experience in the Hermitage museum in St. Petersburg, Russia. Only royalty could see the art. There is a hallway one must enter as he approaches the main throne room that serves, even now, to intimidate anyone who passes through it walls. The sound of your footsteps echoes and bounces around you, increasing in volume as you approach the throne room. The armor displays are intimidating. And then, one enters the throne room. The floor and the ceiling match to teach that the Czars power on earth matches God’s Power in Heaven, and that his reign is Divinely granted and blessed. The room, the rhyme and design, were my first true taste of the greatness of a king.

When Moshe taught Betzalel how to build the Altar, he did it by describing the Altar in Heaven. Moshe explained exactly what happened on the Altar – the Mizbei’ach – in the Heavenly Temple as Betzalel and his workers listened intently, mesmerized, hypnotized. Moshe brought the angel Gavriel to life as he told his story. “I know,” he said. “I saw it. I was there.”

The people who lovingly built, passionately shaped, and devotedly layered the Mizbei’ach, were not only building an altar, they were building the Heavenly Altar so powerfully described by Moshe to them.

This is what the Midrashim and Zohars mean when they speak of God observing the Mitzvot of the Torah, or of God studying Torah with us. The Sages want us to give Tzedaka the way they give Tzedaka in Heaven. They want us to not simply open a book and study Torah, they want us to picture the Almighty sitting in the Yeshiva in Gan Eden, studying Torah, and then to desire to study with the same passion and clarity.

The Sages want us to imagine what Shabbat is like in Heaven and to then, not simply observe the Shabbat, but to make a Shabbat table that is just like God’s Table in Heaven. To sing as the angels sing at the heavenly Shabbat Table. To discuss important ideas as they do at the table at which God is sitting at the head. Ours is not just Shabbat, it can be the replica of God’s Shabbat shared with His angels.

About the Author
Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies.

The author invites you to visit: http://thefoundationstone.org

Lie Back and Tell Me About It

Over the past several decades, therapy has become the flavor of the month pastime. Many of those on the outside want to get in, and would if finances permit it, and those on the inside want to stay in. It doesn’t matter whether or not they are making progress, they just feel more comfortable staying and staying and staying.

I have always been of the belief that if you are going for therapy, choose someone you can connect with, someone you can trust with your deepest, darkest secrets, and then not play the con game. Be open and honest and don’t fabricate things to make yourself look good, and most of all, if you aren’t seeing even the teensiest, tiniest bit of progress after three months, find someone else.

Many people need deep therapy but then there are others who just need a sounding board, someone to listen to their complaints without judging them and not expecting them to move beyond their problems. And that’s all right, just don’t call it therapy; call it a gab session or a help line, or something else, but don’t call it therapy and have people believe that you have a terrible therapist.

I once had a client who complained about everything, asked for advice, and never listened to it. This went on for a long time and then one day, after he finished telling me his sad tale of woe, I asked him if he wanted feedback or if he just wanted to complain. He was so startled by the question that he said the first honest thing in months of knowing him. He said, “I guess I just want to complain.”

We all know, or know of, people who have been going for therapy for ten or twenty years and nothing has changed. They are still having the same emotional reactions, still feeling anger and rage at the same type of stimuli, still approaching situations in the same way, and still blaming others for their problems. How many years, and how many times, can you keep blaming your family for your emotional meltdowns? When is it time to stop playing the blame game and look at yourself in the mirror and take responsibility for your own actions or lack of actions?

A physician once referred one of his patients to me who was having a hard time getting over her divorce of three years past. I allowed her to get her story out and go through the gamut of her emotions for her first three sessions. After that, I expected her to work on her behaviors and adjust her expectations to align themselves with her present circumstances.

For the next four sessions, she did remarkably well with the homework assignments I gave her. Then, one day she told me that she was discontinuing our work because she was making too much progress and that she would rather go back to her former therapist where she could cry the entire hour and not be expected to do anything to change the status quo. She told me she would return when she had gotten everything out of her system. I knew she would never come back because if she hadn’t cried out her anger and sadness in three years, it would never happen. She didn’t want to get everything out of her system and she didn’t want to be helped; she just wanted to cry and let everyone know how badly she was wronged.

Therapy has its place in society and a lot of people have been helped because of it, but the person has to be willing to try to change the destructive behavioral patterns that are causing the unhappiness. As the old saying goes, if you keep doing the same thing, don’t expect the results to be different. And most of all, realize that although you were shaped by your environment and might be able to blame your dysfunctional family for your hangups, you are now an adult and have the power to move beyond your childhood. It’s time to take responsibility for everything in your life and stop sabotaging yourself with the old blame game.

About the Author
Connie H. Deutsch has been a business consultant and personal advisor to clients from around the world. She wrote a newspaper advice column for 16 years and is the author of the book, Whispers of the Soul and co-author of an E-book, Getting Rich While the World Falls Apart, offered as a free download on her website. She wrote and produced two CDs on meditation and relationships and has done coaching on customer service and employee relationships.

The author invites you to visit: http://conniehdeutsch.com

Family Guy: Laughing at the Lighter Side of Life

There have been very few shows which have been able to hold their own like Family Guy against a wave of controversies that has been hurled towards them ever since the show’s inception.

An animated take on the modern American family of today, the lead character of the show features Peter Griffin – a fat, lazy, unintuitive husband with an average job who goes more by the heart than his head. Presented in stark contrast is his wife Lois – the attractive, logically thinking wife representing the fantasy of all American males. They have two kids, Chris and Meg, who are two different shades of teenage cravings, and the talking dog Brian is the source of illuminating wisdom in the house full of madcap mishaps.

However, the star laurels of Family Guy rest on one and one person alone. Stewie Griffin plays an one year old homoerotic baby who dreams of world domination and plans to kill his mother. His dialogues are laced with layered intelligence and sarcastic humor at its pinnacle, making him come in direct comparison to other legendary animated kids like Bart and Lisa from The Simpsons and Eric Cartman from the equally controversial South Park.

What sets the show apart is its approach to modern day life that dabbles in between scathing social commentary and unrelated pop culture gags culminating in a laugh riot parodying modern sensibilities. It might lack the character depth of The Simpsons or the intellectual wit of South Park, but has a loyal fan following of its own, making it the only TV show to come back after being cancelled by FOX.

Seth MacFarlane, the creator of the show, has often come under a line of fire for a number of issues. Peter Griffin has been labeled as a Homer Simpson clone by most Simpson loyalists, while several have complained about the irrelevant nature of cut away pop culture shots without any context to the plot.

The biggest issue, however, lies in the Family Guy vs. Sarah Palin debate that takes the effect of such shows on modern society on a much deeper context. Sarah Palin, the former Governor of Alaska and 2008 vice presidential candidate, took on the writers of Family Guy by calling them “heartless jerks” for their portrayal of a girl with Down’s syndrome in one of the episodes.

The controversial episode shows Chris wooing a girl called Ellen with the syndrome who replies during a dinner date that her father is an accountant and her mother is the former governor of Alaska, a subtle jab towards Palin herself, whose youngest son Trig has Down’s syndrome.

The Family Guy vs. Sarah Palin controversy sparked a huge debate on the portrayal of disability on television and the limit of the “offend everyone” principles such shows are aimed at. Seth MacFarlane commented saying he was proud of the character Ellen, who was headstrong and dynamic despite the syndrome, and Andrea Fay Friedman, the woman with Down’s syndrome who voiced the character, said she did not find it an insult to have the disease, unlike Palin, who carried Trig around for sympathy and votes.

Palin and her daughter Bristol launched a verbal tirade against the show making it one of the biggest television controversies in the history of Family Guy and American sitcoms.

About the Author
Anita Agrawal is a freelance writer for online publications and writes for family enjoyment and child education. If you truly want to have some fun and laughter, go to this kid-friendly website: Family Fun Cartoons. A top line resource on clean humor for young families with lots of things for kids to do.

The author invites you to visit: http://www.familyfuncartoons.com